been thinking a lot, these past days, on interpersonal relations
the delicate bridge of language, having to compress oneself to a brief string of characters, relying on the other’s unknown state to properly interpret them
friendships and loves, relying so heavily on regular synchronisations, and how rapidly the other’s model of you mutates out of shape, even without your having in the meantime changed
keepalive and ping timeout, “well, one of my hens was roosting high up, you know”, right?, うん！, 相槌
and others share their knowledge model on you, person as a collaborative, a group phenomenon. the highschool drama never ends, only migrates to people who have less control of it, their outward selves
some days back started So You’ve Been Publicly Shamed, Jon Ronson, but put it aside a few sentences in
extremely uncomfortable, this sort of thing. when a person is obviously suffering but also can’t be understood, things like plagiarism and quote-invention, can’t empathise well, the motivations for it
maybe a personal failing, having this feeling muddying empathy, some things are alien, but ought to take it without hesitation maybe either way?
similar for the weird sex stuff. or sex in general, really; don’t quite get people enjoying it, so have to self-remind to take it seriously, not just dismiss or laugh
most terrifying, though, this sense of shame and saving face. 腹切り, even your daughter pushing you to suicide, as the only thing
and the us, how it also contributes to this phenomenon, showing the names and faces of suspects in public news, before there’s anything like a trial
but, on the other end, people acting brazen, shamelessly; remember some evo-psych guy, dunno where but it was a conversation mentioned in passing also menopause as evolved state transition, shame as a necessary mechanism of survival, because those without it openly kill and cheat and steal and do not feel remorse. and at what point do the baboons gang together and kill their murderous bully
like 新世界より, when anyone can kill others with a thought, there need to be built-in walls of repression and revulsion, and a failsafe switch to kill the ones who break it. corresponds well to feudal honour systems. So That We May Survive
but an attacker can exploit it, hunting witches, “punching up”. the girl (maria and mamoru’s) is raised to think that she is not a girl, fights for the other species, real “bad actors”, rival tribes or individuals who have escaped their qualms
at least in case of shaming this requires gathering armies of such girls, and so we’ve maybe got a chance, to hedge things off where they begin
what can i do for this? it feels wrong sometimes, writing things like reviews or responses, to people who’ve put themselves out in public to be judged. responses like this can be overly brusque, unclear, need to work harder to show care for people in everything said maybe, these little snippets join with others, help to form the collective models of these public-facing people, need to keep that more in mind
before posting this, looked back at previous post and realised there was a bit of wording that could be read as dismissive, just in minor phrasing, and suddenly felt really bad about that because it wasn’t true, had really enjoyed, and so made a minor word edit, and wondering, where is the line between “honesty and rigour” and “being a jerk”
and when do you actually “know” a person well enough to comment? reading 10 books over the course of 10 years, and watching her speak, is that enough?
The way we construct consciousness is to tell the story of ourselves to ourselves, the story of who we believe we are. I feel that a really public shaming or humiliation is a conflict between the person trying to write his own narrative and society trying to write a different narrative for the person.
ego-murder. we need to take care, not to destroy others on a whim
song of the day: